Patrick Swayze's Wife Shares, "I can still feel his hand in mine."

For the first time since her husband, Patrick Swayze, lost his battle with cancer, Lisa Niemi talks about their poignant last two years together and the amazing lifetime of love they shared.

I always knew Patrick was a tough guy, but I don't think I ever really saw the depth of his strength until he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He should have been dead after five weeks, but he fought for 22 months. He was still shooting his new TV series, The Beast, working 12- to 15-hour days 11 months into his illness. He was going through chemotherapy but refused to take any pain medication that would interfere with his performance. He was one tough critter, and the way he handled the illness and the discomfort from it was unbelievable and amazed even me.

I was a socially awkward 15-year-old when I first met Patrick at his mother's dance studio in Houston. I was a bit of a hippie, part of this outsider crowd. Patrick was the opposite, the quintessential all-American jock. He was the golden boy — an acclaimed football player, gymnast, and dancer — but I wasn't too impressed with that stuff. He always seemed like a show-off to me, a little too full of himself.

But the first time we danced together, it was like magic. And actually it was at that moment, when we looked into each other's eyes, that I knew he was special. I used to think I would get married in my 30s. But I was fresh out of high school when Patrick proposed to me — I couldn't believe it. And he wouldn't take no for an answer. You have to know Patrick, but he is relentless with everything he does and goes after. And truthfully, there was a part of me that felt, Okay, I'll do this now, but if it doesn't work, I can get divorced later. But little did I know that even then, he knew me better than I knew myself, and it was only a short time later that I remember thanking him for making me marry him.

"We never gave up"

I have this wonderful memory from last year of being with Patrick in the apartment we were renting that overlooked the lake in Chicago, where The Beast was being shot. Patrick had just finished another round of chemo and a 15-hour workday. There was this beautiful music playing, and Patrick took me in his arms and we just started dancing. It was a simple, delicious moment of being in each other's arms and feeling how wonderful it was to be alive. It was one of the best dances I've ever had in my life with Patrick.

When The Beast finished shooting and we came back to Los Angeles, our primary focus became his treatments. I had schedules and doctor visits and chemo treatments and pills to administer several times a day. He occasionally had those "why me?" moments, but he never complained or felt sorry for himself. He was a very spiritual person and into Eastern philosophy, but it wasn't any of this, "I'm going to heaven to sing on a cloud." He's extremely willful and always has done that mind-over-matter thing. It's one of the reasons I believe he survived advanced cancer for as long as he did.

I never wanted to cry around him, but he caught me a few times. He knew how I was feeling. We didn't talk that much about dying or how I was feeling, because to acknowledge that was to acknowledge the end. I'm sure there was a part of Patrick that worried he was letting me down by leaving and that he wasn't going to be around to protect me. Patrick was fighting for his life and working so hard at it, and I just wanted the love I could give him to be perfect. I can look back at our whole relationship and wish I'd been perfect — but I'm not. That doesn't stop me from wishing. But the beauty of our marriage was that it wasn't about being perfect; it was about the imperfections.

People have always asked me, "What's your secret to this long and happy Hollywood marriage?" which I know is unusual. Someone recently asked me why we even mentioned our separation in the book. [While Patrick worked to recover from alcohol addiction, he and Lisa separated briefly, which they talk about in their book, The Time of My Life.] And we did because it was real and that was part of our figuring things out and getting to a new place together. We worked very hard at our relationship. But the fact is, anyone can work hard at a relationship, but if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. I do think if two people really love each other, which we did, you can work things out. And even though we were different as individuals, we were also very much the same. We had a lot of common interests — horses, flying, the ranch, and the lifestyle we led. We also were both the kind of people who never, ever gave up on anything we had set our minds on doing, and most important, we never gave up on each other.

"Healing will happen in time"

I thought I had been preparing those last 22 months for Patrick's passing, but looking back, all the sadness and grief that had come before he passed away now looks like an intellectual concept. Honestly, the kind of grief I experienced after Patrick was gone was literally on a cellular level. It's something deep inside your body that you have no control over. I can still feel the contour of his hand in mine. Sometimes when I'm driving on the freeway, I feel like I can just look over and see him sitting beside me like he did when I would take him to his chemo treatments. I'd put the pedal to the metal in our car and he'd break out into this big, mischievous grin. And I'd reach over and grab his hand and it was wonderful. Even though we'd be on our way to chemo, we both savored those moments.

What I would most like is to hear Patrick's voice again. I recently went to a birthday party for a dear friend, and it was my first outing alone. When I got home that night and Patrick wasn't there, I kept telling myself, He's on location; that's why he's not here to greet me. I wanted to pick up the phone, like I've done so many times before, and call him so I could hear his voice. Or I'll just be going about my life and want to tell him something, or I expect him to be in the stable and I realize he's not here. It's still very difficult.

There are a lot of firsts these days that I am experiencing without Patrick, and those make me miss him the most. The smallest things can trigger it — coming home to the house for the first time alone, the first rain, the holidays, or just going onto a freeway entrance without him for the first time. It's going to take time to adjust to every one.

My friends have made all the difference in the world; they give me strength. One night recently, I was going into a full-blown panic attack in the middle of the night, and just dialing one friend's number helped calm me down. I can't imagine what it's like for people who have lost a loved one and have no one to talk to. People cannot just walk around with these types of feelings and not share them or they will implode. Sometimes I think the pain is beginning to pass, and I'll marvel at that and say, Wow, I'm really doing great, only to remember that two hours earlier I was dissolved in tears on the floor.

I would like to believe that if I were really, really courageous, I would find a way to go on and be better than before — even without Patrick. That would take tremendous courage, because in a strange way, I feel like that would be a betrayal to him. When I've mentioned this to my friends, they've said, "Now, wait a minute. Do you really think that's what Patrick would want?" Patrick was always very proud of my strength, and I think he would want me to prove that he was right about me.

I'm a type A personality; I get things done and I put high expectations on myself, on an emotional level as well. But in this case, I've come to realize that the healing is going to happen in its own time. I've lowered my self-expectations for the time being. If I feel I should be doing something, I will try and do it, but if I run out of steam, it's okay to stop.

Life is not fair, death is not fair, but it's not personal in either case. I saw death coming a week away. It was just standing there waiting. I could rant and rave, but it doesn't matter. So I say we should do the things that will make our lives fuller and happier. We have to make our own ride.

I finally convinced myself to go to our New Mexico ranch recently, which has always been a very special place for the two of us, and I had a completely different reaction to it than I thought I would. The moment I set foot inside the house, it was like I was seeing it with new eyes. I realized it was still our home, and there was an unexpected comfort there for me. It felt so beautiful, serene and peaceful, and I remember sitting on our porch and saying to myself, See, there's nothing to be afraid of. I saw Patrick there in the most loving and positive way. And it was like he was sitting on my shoulder saying, "Look at what we built together here."

Patrick's words on Lisa, from a the book they coauthored:

On their first meeting:
"I was intrigued by this mysterious, beautiful girl, but she acted as cool as ever to me. But then came the moment we first danced together onstage.... It felt like an electric charge suddenly coursed through my body.... We moved together as one, and I felt a stirring deep in my soul."

On their separation:
"When Lisa left, I had to...reevaluate my life. I was driving away the one person who had always...loved me no matter what.... I stopped drinking after she moved out."

On finding their way back to each other:
"We looked at each other, and somehow suddenly...saw once again the person we'd fallen in love with.... [I]n that one moment, all [the built-up layers of pain] simply fell away."

On battling cancer together:
"I didn't know where I would find the strength to deal with [my diagnosis]. And neither did Lisa. She has always been so strong, so determined and capable.... But after the surgeon left, she just broke down and cried. She crawled into the hospital bed with me, buried her head in my neck, and said, 'I can't do this, Buddy.... You can ask me for anything else, but please don't ask me to do this.' I held her tightly and we wept together."

Lisa Niemi + Patrick Swayze:

"Ich werde Patrick wiedersehen"

Lisa Niemi hat ihr Schweigen gebrochen: Erstmals sprach sie über den Verlust ihres geliebten Ehemanns Patrick Swayze

"Wenn die Trauer Dich erfasst, fühlt es sich an, als wäre dein Körper nicht der eigene", sagte Patrick Swayzes Witwe Lisa Niemi bei der "Women's Conference 2009" am Dienstag (27. Oktober) in Kalifornien. "Ich schwimme einfach mit dem Strom. Ich weiß, dass ich da jetzt durch muss."

Es war das erste Mal, dass die 53-Jährige in der Öffentlichkeit über ihren Mann sprach, der am 14. September dieses Jahres seinen langen Kampf gegen den Krebs verloren hatte. "Ich bin so dankbar für das, was ich hatte und meine Verbindung zu ihm. Ein Teil von mir glaubt, dass ich Patrick wiedersehen werde. Und bis dahin muss ich einfach meinen Weg gehen."

Nach Patrick Swayzes Tod melden sich Hollywood-Größen wie Demi Moore und Whoopie Goldberg zu Wort

Glücklicherweise standen Lisa Niemi in dieser sicherlich schwersten Zeit ihres Lebens viele gute Freundinnen zur Seite: "Sie waren 24 Stunden am Tag für mich erreichbar. Eines Abends habe ich eine Panikattacke bekommen und wollte gerade eine von ihnen anrufen, was für mich aber sehr schwer ist, da ich immer unabhängig war und auf mich selbst aufpassen konnte. Doch allein das Abheben des Telefonhörers half mir schon, mich wieder zu beruhigen."

Obwohl Lisa Niemi bis zuletzt am Bett ihres todkrankes Mannes wachte und ihm in dieser schwierigen Zeit immer wieder sagte, wie sehr sie ihn liebe, macht sie sich Vorwürfe, zuvor nicht genügend für ihn da gewesen zu sein: "Ich habe zwei Drittel meines Lebens mit ihm verbracht ... Ich bedaure, dass ich ihm nicht gesagt habe, wie sehr ich ihn die ganzen 34 Jahre geliebt habe."

Am kommenden Freitag (30. Oktober) wird Lisa Niemi erneut über den Verlust ihres geliebten Ehemanns Patrick Swayze sprechen - als Gast in der Talkshow von Oprah Winfrey.

„Ich werde Patrick wiedersehen“

Vor sechs Wochen starb Patrick Swayze an Krebs, jetzt hat seine Witwe erstmals öffentlich über ihren Verlust gesprochen. „Ich weiß, ich werde ihn wiedersehen“, sagte Lisa Niemi, die 34 Jahre mit dem Schauspieler verheiratet war.

Lisa Niemi hat die Liebe ihres Lebens verloren (Fotos: AP)

Ergreifend offen und ehrlich sprach Lisa Niemi bei einer Konferenz zum Thema Trauerarbeit darüber, wie schwer es ihr falle, ohne ihren Mann zu leben, berichtet das US-Magazin „People“. „Wenn der Schmerz kommt, dann fühlt es sich an, als gehöre einem der eigene Körper nicht mehr“, sagte Niemi: „Ich nehme jetzt jeden Tag so, wie er kommt. Ich weiß, dass ich diese Zeit einfach durchstehen muss.“ Der Schmerz falle einen Trauernden an „wie ein Tier“, sie empfinde aber auch Dankbarkeit, sagte Niemi. „Ich bin so dankbar für diese besondere Verbindung, die wir hatten, und ein Teil von mir ist überzeugt, dass ich ihn wiedersehe. Bis dahin muss ich ganz einfach durchhalten.“

Vor allem ihre Freundinnen, die jederzeit für sie erreichbar seien, wären ihr eine große Hilfe, erklärte Niemi. „Eines Abends hatte ich eine schlimme Panikattacke und ich rief eine Freundin an. Das war schwer für mich, weil ich eigenständig bin und niemanden brauche, aber allein das Telefon zur Hand zur nehmen hat mich schon beruhigt.“

Niemi und der Schauspieler lernten sich bereits als Studenten im Tanzstudio seiner Mutter kennen und waren 34 Jahre skandalfrei miteinander verheiratet. Swayze starb am 14. September im Alter von 57 Jahren, nachdem er lange gegen seinen Bauchspeicheldrüsenkrebs angekämpft hatte.

Jetzt spricht Patrick Swayzes Witwe Lisa Niemi „Ich glaube daran, dass ich ihn wiedersehen werde“

Lisa Niemi und ihre Trauer um Patrick Swayze.

Sechs Wochen nach Patrick Swayzes Tod sprach seine Witwe Lisa Niemi das erste Mal in der Öffentlichkeit über ihre Trauer und den Verlust.

Sechs Wochen ist es her, dass Lisa Niemi (53) ihren Mann, Schauspieler Patrick Swayze (†  57, „Dirty Dancing“), an den Krebs verloren hat. Nach seinem Tod am 14. September sprach sie nun zum ersten Mal über ihre Trauer. Anlass: die Frauen-Messe „The Women's Conference 2009“ in Long Beach, Kalifornien.

Bei einer Gesprächsrunde mit Frauen, die ebenfalls einen geliebten Menschen verloren haben, erklärte Lisa Niemi ihre momentane Situation: „Wenn einen die Trauer überfällt, fühlt es sich an, als ob dein Körper nicht mehr dir gehört. Ich schwimme einfach mit dem Strom, ich weiß, ich muss da jetzt durch!“

Lisa Niemi ist dankbar für die Hilfe ihrer Freunde. In den dunkelsten Stunden konnte sie sich auf sie verlassen.

„Ich habe einige Freundinnen, die einfach wunderbar sind. Sie haben mir gesagt: Es kümmert uns nicht, ob es zwei Uhr morgens ist, ruf an!“ Und weiter: „Eines Abends war ich mitten in einer Panikattacke, ich nahm das Telefon und rief jemanden an, was wirklich hart für mich ist, weil ich es gewohnt bin, selbstständig zu sein. Bereits dieser Schritt hat mir geholfen, mich zu beruhigen.“

Ihrem Ehemann hätte sie in seinen letzten Monaten zwar jeden Tag „Ich liebe dich“ gesagt. Jetzt aber bereue sie, dass sie es in den gesamten 34 Jahren Ehe zu selten gesagt hätte.

„Ich bin so dankbar für die Verbindung, die ich zu ihm hatte, und ich glaube daran, dass ich ihn wiedersehen werde. Bis dahin muss ich einfach weitermachen.“

Niemi saß bei der Konferenz in einer Runde mit der Moderatorin der Veranstaltung, Journalistin Maria Shriver (53), Ehefrau von Kaliforniens Gouverneur Arnold Schwarzenegger (62), die diesen Sommer ihre Mutter Eunice Shriver († 88) und ihren Onkel Ted Kennedy (77) verlor.

Am Freitag wird Niemi mit der Talkshow-Moderatorin Oprah Winfrey (55) über ihr Leben mit Patrick Swayze und seine Autobiografie „The Time Of My Life“ sprechen.

Niemi und Swayze lernten sich bereits als Studenten im Tanzstudio ihrer Mutter kennen und waren 34 Jahre skandalfrei miteinander verheiratet. Swayze starb am 14. September im Alter von 57 Jahren an Bauchspeicheldrüsenkrebs.

Just two months after her husband-of-34 years died of pancreatic cancer, Lisa Niemi spoke openly about her emotions at a women's conference in California on Tuesday.

"I've spent two-thirds of my life with him," Niemi said about her Hollywood star husband during a roundtable discussion on grief.

"My only regret is that I didn't tell him I loved him enough over that entire 34 years.

"I am so grateful for what I had and my connection to him, and part of me believes that I will see him again."

Dressed in black, Niemi spoke about how important her friends were in helping her deal with her loss.

"I have a few girlfriends that are just amazing — they have made themselves available to me 24/7," she said.

"They say, 'We don't care if it's two in the morning, call me'."

Niemi was joined in the discussion by Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former vice-presidential candidate John Edwards, whose child died in a car accident. Actress Susan St James, whose son died in a plane crash, also attended.

Actress Kelly Preston was expected to speak at the event about the loss of her son Jett Travolta but she pulled out.

Für jedem dem es nicht möglich war Lisa am Dienstag bei der Women's Conference zusehen, bitte click here und click the lunch session button. 

Für jedem dem es nicht möglich war auf "Good Morning America" Lisa zu sehen, bitte  click here und gehe zu ABC Good Morning America um Lisa's Interview anzuschauen.

Am 27.04.2010 gab Lisa bei myFOXla.com ein Interview. Viel Spass damit.

Patrick Swayze's labour of love

          Lisa's Interview zum 1. Todestag von Patrick

Lisa Niemi – Gedenk-Ausritt für Patrick Swayze

Auch nach seinem tragischen Krebstod ist Patrick Swayze im Leben von Lisa Niemi präsent. Die beiden hatten eine glückliche 34-jährige Ehe geführt. Am 18. August wäre Patrick 58 Jahre alt geworden. An diesem Tag machte Lisa einen Ausflug hoch zu Ross in Sylmar (Los Angeles), in Gedenken an ihren verstorbenen Ehemann. Früher waren sie oft gemeinsam ausgeritten. Zusammen hatten sie eine Pferdezucht betrieben. Bei ihrem Ritt wurde Lisa von einer jungen Frau begleitet.

Im vergangenen Monat wurde Lisa mit dem Lifetime Achievement Award der Benefizorganisation Michael Bolton Charity für ihr humanitäres Engagement gegenüber benachteiligten Frauen und Kindern ausgezeichnet.

                Lisa Swayze for Pancreatic Cancer

                Lisa Niemi, Inspire Awards Honoree